Do you live or work closely with people who often bite off more than they can chew? Don't all nod at once, we might cause an avalanche.
It's easy these days to take too much on. We can all be guilty of this. Possibilities and choices seem endless, and many people like to aim high, but people often mis-judge their available resources of time, money and energy. They don't think things through enough. If these people are on your 'team', are a colleague of yours, a family member or friend, then what happens when they realise they're drowning?
They request you bail them out. They want help to chew what they've bitten off. So we take the pressure off them by using our own resources. Good on us.
But what then?
I learned a long time back that behaviour tends to repeat itself. We're creatures of habit. Repetition of a thought or action increases the probability of further repetition. Do something once, and you're more likely to do it again – it's how we're wired. So as we reduce the pressure on them, it kind of frees them up to go off and cause more mischief and bite off even more than they can chew. They can easily become serial offenders! Because we denied them a painful lesson, they don't learn anything. "I was ok last time, I have people around me willing to support me! I'm safe!", and so they repeat.
So what then?
Do we help again? Just how many resources do we have? Does someone else help them chew what they've bitten off this time? Only to find that whilst they're busy chewing away, the serial offender is out looking for even more to bite off? When does this end?! When our heads all pop? This is similar to what psychologists refer to as '
learned helplessness'.
But my question is who's the one demonstrating 'learned helplessness' here? The serial offender, or the serial offender's assistant?
So how's this useful in our work?
Well, to be aware of it is useful. Make sure you're not the serial offender first of all. Aim high and challenge yourself of course, but think ahead long term, and check your time, money and energy available (over time). If you only know how to juggle 3 balls well, then don't juggle 4. Learn how to juggle 4, definitely. Learn and practice juggling 4 or even 5 (study self-management) but when on the job, only juggle what you can. For years I've seen people who can juggle 3 balls take on a 4th, only to pass it on to someone else. With the reduced pressure, they reach for another. Repeat.
And as for helping out serial offenders, think what you're doing. If it's a one off, maybe that's fine, we all make mistakes, we all bite off more than we can chew every so often. But you'd do well to help anyone who does learn their lesson. If they are repeat offenders, maybe you need to buy them a book on self-management for their birthday? Or teach them the lesson the accelerated learning way, by politely being too busy to help on this occasion (go on, you can do it – all you need is a calendar and some imagination). Maybe that's the best thing you could do? Just plan a trip far away so you don't get hit by the balls as they come crashing down.
One final thought. What if you're a business and getting paid to help them out? Well that's different. If your customer is a serial offender, and they pay you to bail them out, and you help them out effectively each time, then you may become very rich
Posted via email from Mark’s posterous
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